MOVIE REVIEW - The Descent (2005)

Director: Neil Marshall
Starring: Shauna MacDonald, Natalie Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder, MyAnna Buring, Nore-Jane Noone

Sarah (MacDonald) still coming to terms with a great loss in her life deceides to go a on cave expedition in the Appalachian Mountains with 5 friends. They are led down into the dark caverns be Sarah's best friend Juno (Mendoza) who ends getting them lost and trapped two miles underground. With no obviuos way of escape they are cut off and alone, or are they?

Anyone out there who want to make horror movies should watch this and take note. This means you Hollywood. You don't need big huge budgets and big concepts to really scare people. All you need is the dark and confined spaces. The use of close camera work during the sections where the girls are crawling through tight spaces gives an unbelieveable sense of claustrophobia that it can make the viewer uneasy for them. Sound is equally good from the tight breathing of the characters to the echoes throughout the caves. All this creates a pervasive tension that can leave a viewer breathless.

This is definately not for the squeemish because once the action kicks in the final third the blood really starts to pump, fly and run all over. But even though it is grisly it feels like a nessecity to understand the horror the characters are having to go through in an attempt to survive. In fact one of the girls becomes almost feral and animal herself toward the end that she becomes part of the true horror of the events.

As this is a horror flick I am willing to overlook the bad acting as overall the script and plot manages to avoid all the cliches that are associated with the genre, making it all the more fresh.

Overall: A definate high point for UK horror films in recent years and a shining example for the whole movie industry. 8.5/10

NEW LINKS

Just added new links to the list on the right... everyone should check them out

www.askaninja.com - The ultimate in ninja hilarity. All the answers right from the horses mouth. Just remember that if you watch he will have to kill you.

www.hopeisemo.com - From the creators of ask a ninja and MADtv star Christa Flanigan comes this tongue in cheek look at the world of emos and video blogging.

MOVIE REVIEW - Kairo (2001)

aka Pulse

Director: Kiyoshi Kurosawa

Disturbing images begin to appear on computers over the internet. The film follows the effects of these events on two groups of people, in the first group a young girl witnesses a suicide and how this effects her and the people around as they investigate the strange event. Whilst the second story line is about an ecnomincs student and his first attempt to get on the internet leading to the appearance of a strange website.

I can see how people may be disappointed with this one, in fact I was to a certain extent. Movies like The Ring, The Grudge and Dark Water have spoiled us with the usual "THIS IS A SCARY MOMENT!!' parts of the film. After seeing the trailer I was expecting something similar to those others but I was wrong. This movie isn't really scary, it does have its moments but nothing that will keep you checking those dark corners at night. What this film does succeed in is pure tension. For it's slightly overlong runtime it does manage to keep you hooked in. It is genuinely eerie. One moment towards the end will have you looking away from the screen as the shivers run up your spine.

It is a tale of loneliness, of trying to reach out to people. The apparitions on the computers are always by themselves and now they are moving into our world flooding those who see them with unbearable dispair, that for the most part they just give up on living and cease to exist. It really does raise some interesting questions and thoughts or what there is after we die. Where we all go? And if everyone does go there what happens when it gets full.

I'm looking forward to seeing the Hollywood remake and wondering if they will manage to do for this what they did for The Ring. I can see them tighten the story up a little, cutting back the run time and upping the scares. Which all may not be such a bad thing, I just hope they don't mess with the heart of this tale.

Overall: A slightly drawnout and okay example of J-Horror. 6.5/10

CAPSULE REVIEWS - Not missing much

THE LEGEND OF ZORRO (2005)
Martin Cambell back in the directing chair, Banderas back in the saddle and Zeta Jones back in that oh-so tight fitting dress. We are introduced to new band of cardboard cut out bad guy and a new mini me Zorro in the form of Zorro's son. Some great sword fighting moments and other action sequences where you must suspend all belief and one part in particular has you asking "Why not just kill whilst you have your sword at his throat Zorro?".
Overall: Just harmless, if a little overlong, fun. 5.5/10

THE PINK PANTHER (2005)
At first my thoughts on this remake with Steve Martin in the role of Clouseau was another Hollywood bad idea. An offences to the Sellars classics. But for what it's worth this is amiable enough, Martin hams his way though most of the scenes, especially the airport security one. Jean Reno is okay but the real standout star is Kevin Kline as the brunt of all Closeau's mishaps, the scheming Chief of Police Dreyfus.
Overall: Passable but forgettable. 4.5/10

DATE MOVIE (2006)
My poor Alyson what deal did you have to make with Satan to end up working in this crap. This is the first movie I have watched in about 10 years that I turned off before the end. I think I lasted about an hour and a bit, right upto the huge puss-filled zit.
Overall: The shit stops here. 1/10

TV - Psych

It really seems USA can't go wrong. Yet another great character driven crime show.

The first episode was brilliant. All the jokes hit there marks. James Roday is fantastic as the fake psychic sleuth Shawn Spencer and his comic moments of fake psychic readings were spot on. Dule Hill is excellent as his straight man and the two play off each other very well.

Here's hoping they can keep it up.

Also more kudos to USA for their advertisements during the shows which have the characters from Psych, Monk and The Dead Zone interacting. Very funny.

MOVIE REVIEW - The Matador (2005)

Director: Richard Shepard
Starring: Greg Kinnear, Pierce Brosnan, Hope Davis, Philip Baker Hall

Julian Noble (Brosnan) is a lonely hitman on the brink of burning out when he runs into Danny Wright (Kinnear), a downtrodden businessman, in Mexico City bar. Julian reaches out to Danny in the vain hopes of forming a friendship, something that he has never had.

One standout scene in the movie takes place at a bullfight, Danny at first scoffs at Julian when he tells him his occupation and asks him to prove it. Julian proceeds to show him the setup for a hit. This becomes the moment at which Brosnan really becomes the character and makes you forget that for a while he was 007.

Unlike past hitman-drama-comdies like Grosse Pointe Blank this one doesn't waste time on action or tension. In fact besides from the opening hit you don't see anyone getting killed. This leaves room for the real story, which is of friendship and having people in your life who care about you no matter what you do or who you kill.

Sometimes when you get a film that you weren't expecting it can be a let down but in The Matador's case you can make an exception. What you get is an original, clever, witty well-written tale with great performances from all the cast and an espcially memorable Brosnan.

Put this one on your hit-list. 8/10

MOVIE REVIEW - Seven Swords (2005)

aka Chat Gim (cantonese title)

Director: Tsui Hark
Starring: Donnie Yen, Leon Lai, Charlie Yeung, Chia-Leung Liu

It is the early 17th century and the Ming Dynasty has been overthrown by the Machurians thus creating the Ching Dynasty. In an attempt to prevent any rebellions the new emperor declares an edict outlawing martial arts and anyone practising them must surrendered their weapons or face death. But soon they face death regardless as the ruthless military commander Fire-wind (Honglei sun) and his small army of mercenaries sweep across the land massacering villages regardless of surrenders to claim bounties on the heads of men, women and children. Then he sets his sights on on one final target, Martial village. Standing in his way is Fu (old school star Chia-Leung Liu), a man who served under him during the last dynasty. He leads two of the villagers to Mount Heaven to request the help of the warriors that reside there. Together with the five swords that join them there they become the Seven who will stand in the way of the tyrany of Fire-wind.

Marvellous flowing sword fighting sequences, in amongst sweeping mountain vistas and some great performances from the varied cast. The love stories of the subplot bring out the heart of the movie and the overall ideal of heroism against great odds is always touching.

This is definately a return to form for Hark. This could be his Once Upon a Time in China for a new decade, the end leaves it open for a continuation of the story.

8/10